Pseudolistening & Monopolizing

After reading about forms of nonlistening in this chapter, I realized that a few of these forms exist in my own life and personal communication. The first form I've discovered was pseudolistening. This is where you are pretending to listen to someone talk about something, but you're mind is elsewhere. I find myself doing this a lot, especially with my roommate. My roommate tends to complain a lot and vent to me. I'm never really interested because it's a lot of drama, so I find myself zoning out but nodding along to make it look like I'm listening. Something I can do to change this is to genuinely be interested and perhaps try to help her with her issues. Another issue I may have at times with conversations is monopolizing. With some people I tend to continuously focus a conversation on me. But, I've recognized that and I've tried to change that by focusing on the other person involved in the conversation.

America: The Melting Pot

I agree more with Reverend Jesse Jackson’s metaphor of the United States being both a rainbow and a family quilt. Living in America, I feel I’ve grown up in many culturally diverse places. My high school embraced every race, and even had different events throughout the year to recognize different cultures. I never felt that people “blended into one unified character.” Even after moving far from my hometown to San Jose, I still feel I live in an extremely culturally diverse place. Since I’ve been at San Jose State, I’ve met people from Ethiopia, Russia, and many other places. We’ve discussed their cultural differences and how they’ve adjusted throughout their time in San Jose. I feel America is extremely diverse. I do however believe that certain interpretations of the “melting pot” metaphor are interesting. I never saw the “melting pot” metaphor in a negative light. I always believed it was a metaphor meaning we all have come together and are united as one nation. I never thought it was about losing past cultural traditions to form one uniformed culture. I believe cultural differences are extremely valuable and are preserved within our society.  

Social Norms Throughout Generations

I recently spoke with both my grandparents about social norms when they were twenty years old. With females, cussing, smoking, and drinking were frowned upon. Women that graduated high school were expected to go to college and pursue some sort of career in office administration or education, then settle down and take care of a family. My grandpa discussed how he had to work military drafts into his schedule. Men were expected to go to high school, then either enroll in the military or attend college. Some drinking and smoking was accepted for men. I also had this discussion with my parents. My mother discussed how she was expected to do household chores like the dishes and laundry, while my father had to do chores like yardwork and washing cars. All that was asked of my mother was that she graduate high school before getting pregnant or married. My mother wanted to attend college, but it was quickly dismissed in her household because it would be a “waste” for someone meant to become a wife and a mother. She went on to discuss how her only dreams included going to college and having a career, but she had to put her dreams on hold. My father however lived a particularly rowdy “hippie” lifestyle and had no limitations on drinking, smoking, cussing, and other recreational activities. I feel that some of these social norms are the same with twenty year olds today, but maybe more relaxed. For example, I’m still expected to go to college like my grandma was. However, I’m not expected to become a wife and a mother right away. My parents emphasize the importance of my long term career goals more. With men, they are no longer expected to serve in the military or attend college immediately after high school. Drinking and smoking may be considered unacceptable in households, however in college life it seems to be pretty much accepted everywhere. 

Self-Concept

I found the book’s topic “The Self is a Process” to be extremely interesting. This section discussed identities and how they are formed throughout a person’s lifetime. When we are babies, we have no concept of our identity. Self concept, as defined by the book, is “the realization that one is a separate entity.” We do not realize we are separate beings and individuals until we have grown into older children. And still, into adolescence and even young adulthood people struggle with finding out what their identity is. The book also discusses ego boundaries, which “define where an individual stops and the rest of the world begins.” Newborns have no sense of this. As children grow older they observe the environment for social norms to figure out how they should act. I particularly found it interesting that we are constantly evolving throughout our entire lifetime and continuously redefining our self-concept. 

Race as a Classification of Identity

Race is a classification system used by individuals and government to determine which group you are most closely associated with. It differs from ethnicity because ethnicity is more specific to your genealogy and ancestry. I feel race isn’t an effective way to classify people because it is too broad and general. For instance, I would be considered of Caucasian descent, yet I consider myself to be Irish, Italian, Native American, Spanish, Norwegian, and much more. I feel I am too mixed to be considered Caucasian. I definitely think the Census Bureau should allow people to check multiple races because of situations like mine. Even though I am mostly Caucasian, those that are more mixed, for example African American and Caucasian, have more trouble identifying themselves as one race.  However, I do understand that the Census Bureau would like to generalize options more to get a more holistic reading of the United States population. 

People Constructing Meanings in Interpersonal Communication

One concept I found interesting from the reading this week was Principle 4: People Construct Meanings in Interpersonal Communication. It discussed that meaning comes from how we interpret communication, and not just words and nonverbal behaviors. When two people communicate over time, they come to understand issues and feelings of the other person, and from that we can construct meaning. We are always assigning meanings, whether we are aware of it or not. Some examples the book gave included someone you’ve been dating asking for time apart, a supervisor that seems less open to conversation, and a friend that may turn down offers to hang out. The words may not have encoded meaning, but we will encode that in our minds. Meanings that we construct vary with different cultures. The book gave an example that Americans value conflict more than traditional Asians do. Meanings are also affected by ones predisposition. You’re more likely to not take something so hard if you’re in a better mood, versus if you’re in a bad spot in your life. 

How an I-You Relationship Evolved Into an I-Thou Relationship

A relationship that is special to me is one with my sorority sister. During the earliest stage, we had an I-You relationship. We discussed small things like where we were from and how we came to San Jose State and ended up in the same sorority. We avoided personal questions and subjects that could seem too nosy like money, personal relationships, and views of certain issues. Now, we have an extremely close friendship. I consider her to be one of my best friends in the world, even a real sister. It is definitely an I-Thou relationship. We understand each other completely and share everything with each other. We also embrace each other’s individuality. I feel she is a rare lifelong friend. We talk about anything and everything: relationships, school, money, family issues, and anything that comes to mind. Although we are close now, it took me more time to warm up to her and be as close as we are now.